The Good, Bad and ‘Sexy’ of the Top 10 Enterprise Ringtones
Tuesday, we introduced you to the modern company’s dirty little secret – minimal control over their mobility programs resulting in bad spend that costs the average company more than $100,000 annually. In our ”Dirty Little Secrets” infographic, we highlighted the “Enterprise Top 5″ – a list of the five ringtone songs most often downloaded to employees’ phones on the company dime.
Now we couldn’t just let something this good go without having a bit more fun, so today we expanded the list and asked two friends – Hannah Simon and Lauren Sloss, both music lovers as well as bloggers for the excellent music site Indie Shuffle – to come by and get all judgmental on the business world’s favorite ringtone songs. Don’t worry though, they even liked a couple songs!
So, without further ado, here is the “Enterprise Top 10″ …
(A mild warning: Some of these song lyrics and a couple of the videos are NSFW, depending, of course, on where you work.)
1. Sexy and I Know It — LMFAO
Hannah: Clearly, someone wishes they were pumping iron on a beach in Miami instead of sitting in front of a computer. If you know someone with this ringtone, be sure to buy them a Shake Weight for their birthday present – they probably need it.
Lauren: Bold move, guys. Your ringtone not only loudly declares “I’m sexy and I know it,” but even includes the rather interesting statement, “I’ve got passion in my pants and I ain’t afraid to show it.” Are you joking? Are you serious? I’m not sure. Call me.
2. Rolling In The Deep — Adele
Hannah: Sure, this might be the most overplayed song on the radio, but you know what? I have mad respect for Adele. I had her album on repeat last year, and you still might find me blasting this track while on a treadmill. With that said, I think it’s probably time to find a new favorite song.
Lauren: Did you just get dumped or something? I mean, yeah, Adele’s kinda baller, and she’s got pipes worth hearing every time someone blows up your digits, but come on! This song’s sad. Or maybe you’re just suffering from ‘ignoring the lyrics to overplayed pop songs syndrome,’ in which case, take note.
3. Cheers (Drink To That) — Rihanna
Hannah: Zzzzz. Rhianna, what happened? I thought you had something there for a moment, going out on a ledge with the whole “chains and whips excite me” thing. “Cheers (Drink to That)” just makes me want to get so drunk that I forgot I listened to this song.
Lauren: This song makes me want to have a drink, too! Oh wait, because it’s lame enough that a drink might numb the pain of listening to it. (Clearly, I’m not alone in feeling that.). If you’re going to rep Rihanna, why would you pick the worst song she’s ever put out? Veto.
4. God Gave Me You — Blake Shelton
Hannah: Gross. I dislike pop country music because it’s so painfully cheesy. So what happens when I listen to lovesick religious pop country music? My ears bleed. I am obviously not a hopeless romantic.
Lauren: I see three possibilities here: 1. You’re trying to earn points with your girlfriend/wife. 2. You’re trying to impress the ladies with the saccharine sensitivity pouring out of your cell phone. 3. You have terrible taste in music. Shame on you.
5. Young, Wild & Free — Snoop Dogg (feat. Wiz Kalifa)
Hannah: This song pretty much says that you’re chill. You like to have fun, but you’re not super intense about it. You’re carefree, and you like to share good times with good friends. I dig it.
Lauren: As a tried and true West Coaster, you give me some Snoop and I’m down with you. Am I a poser white girl? You bet, but I bet you’re kind of a poser too, bumping hip hop jamz in your cube. It’s cool, I can roll like that.
6. We Are Young — fun. (feat. Janelle Monae)
Hannah: This song screams “I’m popular! Hang out with me! Invite me to your parties! I have awesome taste in music!” You’re probably a cool person, and you don’t need this song to prove it. So stop trying so hard and find a new party anthem – this one’s overdone.
Lauren: I am so sick of this damn song. I mean, enough already. It was kind of alright the first 20 times I heard it, sure we are young, so let’s set the world on fire, sweet. Now, I really just want to set your cell phone on fire for making me listen to it again.
7. Best Thing I Never Had — Beyoncé
Hannah: Is this supposed to be an inspiring break-up song? I don’t really know. Beyonce is hot enough to pull off practically anything, but I feel like this is the type of music that plays in lobby at my dentist. You know what I mean – sugar coated, piano R&B. Why would you choose to listen to this?
Lauren: Okay, I love me some Lady B. And while this song certainly isn’t my favorite (“Check Up On It” FTW … seriously.), I won’t hold it against you. Though really … if you’re going to rep the fabulous Mrs. Jay-Z, you probably could have done better.
8. Moves Like Jagger — Maroon 5 (feat. Christina Aguilera)
Hannah: Hopefully you only have that catchy whistling beat (from the intro) playing over and over again as your ringtone. Because once you introduce the lyrics and chorus, the person sitting next to you will want to strangle you. Trust me on this one.
Lauren: I hate this song. Hate. And I like stupid pop songs. First of all, misplaced whistling. Second, Adam Levine, stop whining. Third, HOW DARE YOU BASTARDIZE THE BRILLIANCE THAT IS MICK JAGGER LIKE THAT?! Shame on you. And shame on YOU for putting this out into the world.
9. Party Rock Anthem — LMFAO
Hannah: Play this song at a dance club at 1 a.m. and I promise I’ll be jumping up and down with you. Play this song at 1 p.m. anywhere and I’ll just roll my eyes. If this is really your jam, do the right thing and put your phone on vibrate during the day.
Lauren: Look at you, bringing the party with you wherever you go! I bet when your phone goes off in the middle of, say, a meeting, or a quiet office, everyone just breaks out into a choreographed dance routine. Right? Cause that’s just how you roll, you dance machine.
10. Someone Like You — Adele
Hannah: Listen. If you need a good cry, go into an empty conference room, put on Adele, and bury your head in your hands. Come out feeling a little exhausted, but purged. Please don’t subject the people around you to this “kill myself now” song.
Lauren: Remember our talk about really depressing Top 40 songs that, despite being popular, are really freaking depressing? Yeah. This one’s even worse than your other Adele pick. Careful, people will hear your ringtone and will be removing sharp objects from your vicinity and asking if you’d like a tissue.
If you like good music, or want to like good music, be sure to visit Indie Shuffle.